Things are so bad it is time to have a laugh. I would assign positions randomly. Tomko would start the game, but not necessarily pitching – maybe second base. Maybe Matt Kemp would like to catch a game. Who knows? Avoid situations that could cause injury. Tomko would pitch at least from the second inning on. But maybe Martin would like to pitch a big-league inning.
The batting order would get pulled from a hat too.
I would play an inning where every batter is given the bunt sign.
I would play an inning where the batters have to swing for a home run on every single pitch, no matter where it is thrown.
Go out there and have a laugh. No somber conversations. No inspiring speeches. Go have a laugh. Be silly.
Then come back tomorrow and pretend August didn’t happen.